Judge Swagwire is writing today to point out several factors to consider when choosing a good wife. Statisticians use a technique called "Multivariate Analysis" to determine whether or not one or more individual factors are noteworthy. In Judge Swagwire's world, this process can theoretically be applied to almost anything, including how a man goes about choosing a wife. Although I have not collected the numerical data, my life lessons show several significant factors that one may use in choosing a wife. If this was an actual multivariate analysis, our output variable would be "whether or not your marriage will be successful"-- that is, one where you live a happy life and grow old together, with no regrets and thousands of sacred and heart-warming memories. Now for the significant "input" variables... or important factors.

Judge Swagwire believes that the following factors should be closely scrutinized when choosing a wife. As a note, no single variable is dispositive or has a greater weight than the other. It is the totality of these factors that you should strongly consider when deciding if a woman is just "fun to date" or ready to be upgraded to Wifey status:

1. Her Relationship With Her Mother. Does potential-wifey have a healthy relationship with her mother? Did her mother pass down the generations of life lessons that will have a huge impact on the wellness of you and your future children. By life lessons, I am talking about many things including: financial management; grooming; social and interpersonal skills; household management; conflict resolution; communication; health; and the many other basic life skills that a mother is supposed to give to a child. Can you depend on your potential-mate to receive WISE counsel from her mom? For example, if your wife turns to her mom, will mommy tell her what she "wants" to hear or what she "needs" to hear? Bottom line, the mother should have provided those essential life skills, and you should feel 100% confident when your wife goes to her mother for advice-- especially about your marriage.

2. Her Mother. Similar to 1 above, in most cases, if you look at a woman's mother, you are getting a real life preview of your wife years from now. We Americans are raised to fiercely believe that we determine our own destiny, which is largely true, but we cannot ignore the reality of genetics and years of living with and looking up to one's parent. Am I saying that, if the mom is a crack addict, then wifey will be a crack addict? NO. But, I am saying that, at some point, moms being a crack addict will materialize in your marriage in some form-- even if sub-consciously. Again, this factor is hard to swallow for many, but nevertheless a significant one that should be considered in light of other factors mentioned.

***Factors (1) and (2) above are largely beyond potential-wife's control. However, the remaining factors are TOTALLY in her control.*****

3. Her level of Compassion. At its root, the word compassion is "a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering." Judge Swagwire would like to broaden this term to be, an awareness of the feelings and perception of those around you. Thus, to Judge Swagwire, compassion is relevant to more than just 'another's suffering.' I extend the definition of compassion to the ability to think OUTSIDE YOUR OWN BOX. No matter how great potential-wife thinks she is, it means nothing if those around her perceive her as negative. Well, one may argue that the others may be hating or jealous. However, if 90% of those around her feel this way, then we have a problem. Like it or not, perception is everything. The Consumer industry shows as much. When the swine flu came out, thousands of pigs were slaughtered and burned. The pork industry tanked. In actuality, there was very little (or no) risk of swine flu from eating pork, but because of the perception, billions of dollars was lost. So, does this woman have an awareness of her reputation and how she is being perceived? The most important thing is awareness. After awareness, consider how she responds. If she doesn't hit it off with your family or friends, does she go out her way to strengthen the relationship, or does she simply avoid or complain about them? As a note, she should also care about the impact of her words and actions on others. How does she make the people around her feel? Is she aware when she says something out of line that may hurt others? If she doesn't care or doesn't have a healthy level of compassion, then think about her reaction if you go to her about a issue in your marriage that is effecting you.

4. Her past relationships. I like to think that the common factor in all of my terrible relationships, both personally and professionally, is me. If a person has one or two bad relationships, then that's one thing. But something is to be said about the woman who "just happened" to date 10 jerks and abusers in a row. A quick way to get to the bottom of this factor is to LISTEN at how she talks about her past relationships. Is she "always the victim" and the other guy the antagonist? Or, does she take ownership of things she could have done better in her past relationships? I firmly believe that relationships cannot be unilaterally ended. It takes two people at some point doing some action to bring on the demise of the relationship.

5. Her life outside of you. Does she have a life besides you? If she seams to always be there waiting at your beck and call, this is a red flag. Although it may be fun to have a woman on stand-bye, it is not good long-term. What are her hobbies? What is she doing to improve herself? What does she talk about when you ask her how her day went? Does she have her own positive social support group? You NEVER....EVER....NEVER want any person, let alone your wife, solely dependent on you. In the end, as soon as something is not going right in her life, she will associate that unhappiness with you. Because, after all, "you are her life," and if her life is bad, then you are...you guessed it...... bad. So, who was this woman before you, and more importantly, does she continue to maintain her life and own identity with you.

In the end, an hour-glass figure, a pretty smile, and a great personality helps, and if you desire, certainly may serve as an initial screening factor. But, when we start to consider Wifey status, the above 5 factors should be considered.  Taking them all into account, you can make an informed decision. Putting a ring on it is more than just liking it.

D.S. Swagwire
Judge, International Court of Gentlemen